The road well travelled

Tonight there are several roads to panic and anxiety:

1. My monitor is freaking out and I have to either a) buy a new monitor and decrease my already diminished funds or b) use the school's computer constantly or c) get a loan from FinAid and buy the laptop I've always wanted (problem being I may/may not have maxed out the loans already).

2. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I don't know what I possibly want to do. There are so many options, but at the same time I feel so limited. Mostly because I'm may go to grad school (that's a like 75/25 chance), but in the mean time I need to make $$$. Or do I go to grad school at all? Teach for America? J.E.T.? Social Work? Activism? History of Consciousness? Peace Corps? Aaack. What to do. What to do?

3. Ok, as a self proclaimed "empowered and informed" woman of color- I admit these things sometimes somewhat sheepishly. Ok, I'll just say it: I would like to say that I would like to find someone to be in a relationship with. I'm glad Spring Break happened so I could spend time w/ some cool people and admit that I am somewhat of an idealist romantic while at the same time being bitter and cynical. But really, there are good guys out there..where they are and if I'll ever cross paths w/ them in a "romantic" capacity is another road of panic and anxiety.

4. Extremely behind in school work. Why is it you're always behind in school? I wish I was more responsible. Sigh.

5. Fitness, weight, etc. I am going to be my sister's maid of honor in less than a year. This freaks me out ye verily. I know I shouldn't give into society's demands on what a "standard body" should be. But I know I should go work out and eat well just to be healthier. I have accomplished very little of any. I need to work out.

6. Daylight savings time. While I do like extra sunlight time, I do not like losing an hour. And like the proverbial tree in the forest- does the sun shine if you can't see it? I have never hated Berkeley weather more in my life than today, probably as a comparison to San Diego weather. There goes my plans to move to Seattle post-college. I've found out that the weather influences my mood and I'd like to be a happier Diana so somewhere sunny please.

7. I'm worried that I'm not smart. Perhaps that isn't accurate. I worry that I am not articulate sometimes.

I worry too much. But whatever.