The Truth About Cats & Dogs Part Deux

Ok, well I realize my last post wasn't exactly comprised of fully formed thoughts. More like a blog out of frustration and exasperation. So I'll try to be more coherent this time. Spoilers abound of the movie.

First off, I was exasperated at the idea of beauty and dating. Dating, I honestly have very little experience in this, but it seems to me some sort of human form of the "mating game" apparent in nature. It seems like confidence and power factor largely in this. Dating is interesting because it is a site where gender roles, stereotypes, and superficial factors intersect. I'm talking about those initial 30 seconds-10 minutes of meeting someone. Basically, you are who you present yourself to be. You can display success and cleanliness through clothing, manners and personality through the way you talk, beauty through looks, etc. Attraction is that fleeting spark of je nes ais quoi. And this can all be based on beauty (which is all comprised of factors like race, percieved gender, perceived fitness, etc).

I can understand that percieved beauty is some sort of harkening back to "animal days" where beauty can be a sign of success and thus ensuring most healthy and most ready to survive offspring. But human society also adds that one pivotal difference that seperates "us humans from the animals"- that of thought and speech. And that's where it gets messy. Confidence (or lack of) can now play a part.

So I go back to my previous thoughts on the Truth about Cats and Dogs. Inherit in the dating game is also the goals of the players. Considering my experience and views I'm going to consider heterosexual relations (I don't know how far this relates to lgbq sexualities). And then comes the society created questions for masculinity and femininty. Do males just want sex? Do females want "love" (relationships, family, soul connections, whatever you define it as)? Does the male goals of sexual relations translate into this search for a desirable woman? Does desirable have to equate with beauty? And since women want "love" do they desire to be loved by man (thus seeking his approval)? I could go all Judith Butler or Simone de Beauvoir here- but for the sake of simplicity I won't go into male patriarchy for the moment. But I will mention that society has created certain roles for men and women and for the most part I've noticed that these roles still exist (because the power structure makes it so).

In a sense, I feel like this desirable and seeking of male approval somehow translates into confidence. Some women gain confidence by feeling attractive. Sexual power as the only venue of power perhaps (because the power structure has made it so)? Some women have abilities and talents that are not defined by looks alone. Thus we have the situation of Abby and Noelle in The Truth About Cats and Dogs. Abby is the smart and so-so woman and Noelle is the beautiful and dumb woman. Masculine and feminine stereotypes (which are realities too) abound. And so I wonder does low self esteem come from lack of appreciation as a sexual object? I'm using "sexual object" and "attraction" interchangibly because I think attraction is based largely on sex. There are other factors involved in attraction, but we'll stick with this definition for now.

Abby's actions are an extreme form of the lengths women go to be considered beautiful. Women obsessively diet, have eating disorders, use plastic surgery, and even come up with 3 hour routines just to put their "face" on. I remember a part where a person sold Abby beauty products after makng her feel bad about herself. Abby succumbs to society's pressures so much she imagines herself a tall leggy blonde. She goes so far as to create an alternate Abby and manages to get her neighbor involved in it too. We all can't go find someone beautiful to be us- so women do the next best thing- plastic surgery. And at what lengths do women go to keep themselves attractive? Boob jobs, nose jobs, liposuction- how far is too far to be beautiful? Not far enough for some people. Abby feels like she has to play this game to be desirable to men. Even with her intelligence, kindness, understand, and humor she is not enough because she is not beautiful. Nor is she willing to change her personality for a man (such as when women raise their voices an octave or play the dumb girl game).

Noelle- I realize now (after this being pointed out by a friend)- also has low self esteem. She doesn't even notice when a bicyclist nearly crashes in the street and other such attentions. Has she taken it for granted? Noelle can't eat food. She has bad relationships with men who treat her poorly. And she wants validation as a person. She wants to be considered smart instead of just sexy. Abby actually (through the magic of Hollywood and makeup and I'm guessing they used bad lighting to make her look uglier earlier in the film) becomes prettier when she becomes more comfortable with herself.

In the end, its a hollywood movie (or a movie tailored for an audience created by Hollywood). (Spoiler) The girl and the guy get together. Noelle actually doesn't want male approval as much as she wants female approval-Abby's approval. All in all I like The Truth About Cats & Dogs- it's one of my favorite movies and I'm glad that 2-3 years later after viewing it for the first time I can appreciate it more. I like how the man is not "typically masculine". Brownie points for reading Camera Lucida by Roland Barthes and giving Abby/Noelle Simone de Beauvoire's Letters to Jean Paul Sartre (which I have added to my library of books I want in my life).

But questions (in addition the ones posed previously): What is validation? What is self confidence based on? What do you base your own self-confidence on? How much are you willing to sacrifice (your wit, your strength) to be attractive to someone? And why does it seem that women have to sacrifice more than men do? To be fair- maybe men do suffer too, but that's also a reflection of gender roles that they can't be emotional enough to mention their feelings. I know not everyone is like this, but definitely the power structure is still defining these roles as such and I notice them through everyday life.